Oatmeal Minus the Oats

Aka n’oatmeal. Aka porridge. Aka whatever the hell you want to call it. Back in my pre-paleo days, I used to be an oatmeal LOVER. Literally. LOVED that stuff. Wanted to marry it. Ate it every morning. Sometimes for dinner. But oatmeal did not love me. Or my blood sugar. I would spike up to ridiculously high levels after eating oatmeal. Low glycemic my ass. So sadly I had to part with it. And make this new non-blood sugar/insulin spiking paleo version. It loves me a whole lot more than those gluten-filled wheat flakes.

Here’s the thing. I use egg whites in this recipe. Yes, egg whites only. Not the yolks. Paleo people around the world are shunning me right now as they read this. NO YOLK?! Wtf is wrong with you? Don’t you know the yolk has ALL THE NUTRIENTS. Umm yes. I freaking know this everyone. Trust me, I eat PLENTY of eggs with yolks in them. Usually multiple yolks a day are had over here. But in this recipe, I just use whites. Sue me. If you want to use whole eggs, GO. FOR. IT. That is fine. I support you. But I am going to use the whites.

I have to get my eyes dilated this morning. Fun fact about me: I am actually legally blind. Just kidding. But I’m pretty sure I’m the closest thing you can be to legally blind without actually being it. My prescription is -7.5. Try to beat that everyone. I can’t even seen my own hand when it’s .5 inches from my face. My eye doctor actually told me last time that I couldn’t get the glasses I wanted because my lenses would be too thick to fit in them. So that was awesome. Getting your eyes dilated it pretty shitty if you’ve never had it done before. Basically they numb your eyes and make your pupils the size of Montana. And then they proceed to ask you if option 1 or 2 on the little screen with the different sized letters looks better 10 million times. And let’s be real, when you’re as blind as I am, all the options look pretty much the same. And then you walk outside into the sun and think you’re going to die because your pupils are so dilated. If you’re really lucky though, they give you those awesome “sunglasses” that roll up to slide behind your actual glasses. Does anyone know what I’m talking about?  I hope so, because those are hot.

One time when I was in 7th grade, I had to get my eyes dilated and i forgot to bring my glasses to put on afterwards. And since you can’t put your contacts back in right away, I obviously couldn’t see. And of course my mom made me go into Kroger with her following said appointment. So basically I was following her around the store like a lost puppy, most likely holding onto her arm for guidance, trying not to trip/knock anything over. So later on that night, being the totally popular 7th grader that I was, I got a message on Instant Messenger (oh come on, you remember those days) from this 8th grader that I totally had the biggest crush in America on asking me why I ignored him when he waved to me in the grocery store that afternoon. TALK ABOUT THE WORST FREAKING DAY OF MY LIFE YOU GUYS. Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. But you get the point. Eye dilation is not fun.

K. Thanks for listening.

Oatmeal Minus the Oats

20130804 200037 Oatmeal Minus the Oats

  • Prep time:
  • Cook time:
  • Total time:
  • Yield: 1
  • Difficulty: easy
  • Recipe type: breakfast

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk
  • 4 egg whites (or 2 whole eggs)
  • 2 tbsp flaxseed
  • 1/4-1/2 banana, mashed
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • cinnamon to taste

Directions:

  1. Bring almond milk to a boil.
  2. Turn heat down to medium-low and mix in egg whites, stirring frequently.
  3. Once the mixture starts thickening, add flaxseed, banana, vanilla, and cinnamon, continuing to stir.
  4. Continue cooking until the egg whites are completely cooked through and the mixture has a “porridge”-like consistency (about 10 minutes).
  5. Top with fruit, nut butter, chocolate chips, nuts, etc.

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Comments: 26

  1. Meagan August 5, 2013 at 10:44 am Reply

    I’ve done something similar to this before, although I start with mashed banana, blueberries, gelatin, then mix in the egg; off of heat mix in chia. YUM! Thanks for sharing, I want to try your version :)

  2. Valerie August 5, 2013 at 12:20 pm Reply

    I highly recommend getting LASIK when you can afford it. My script was something like 6.75 in one eye and 7.5 in the other. I couldn’t even tell if people were 1 or 2 people, or male or female without my contacts. My parents paid for my LASIK as a college grad gift because I could no longer get contacts to correct me to 20/20 and since I play a lot of volleyball, I couldn’t wear glasses all of the time (plus how thick the lenses would be). Also, I’d be going on my own insurance and the “special” lenses and glasses are expensive! I had to have it done again 10 years later (PRK this time), but since they purchased an “insurance” on the surgery the first time, any “touchups” are free for life. I would have it done every year if I had to – it’s amazing!

  3. Gail B August 5, 2013 at 12:35 pm Reply

    OMG this had me rolling! Thanks for such a great post LMAO! I just had oatmeal and do most mornings (even tho I know it’s not good for me). I couldn’t emagine this could be good reheated? I just throw a bag together in the morning and boil water at my desk for the oatmeal. I need something that can be done like that. I like my pillow way too much in the morning to get my butt up and cook me some breakfast lol. any thoughts?

    • triggs122@yahoo.com August 7, 2013 at 2:56 pm Reply

      I have actually made it a few hours ahead of time and put it in a thermos to take with me to school. Not the same as eating it right away, but not bad!

  4. Bailey August 5, 2013 at 12:52 pm Reply

    I used to be a big oatmeal lover too but have not had it in months because of paleo, do you know of a good substitute for bananas? Im allergic to bananas……lucky me.

    • triggs122@yahoo.com August 5, 2013 at 5:25 pm Reply

      I’ve used pumpkin before and love it! Applesauce might work too!

  5. Krissy Birge August 5, 2013 at 1:15 pm Reply

    Hmmm, I’m a – 9! Even when they condense my lens for glasses it still looks like coke bottle bottoms. And somehow we would always go to lunch after the dilation appointments. Reading a menu, yeah right?!

  6. Giselle@myhealthyhappyhome August 5, 2013 at 5:15 pm Reply

    Yum! I love oatmeal without the oats but I make it minus the flaxseed so I call it a sweet scramble. My favorite way is with banana, chopped apple and lots of cinnamon! Apple Pie Sweet Scramble topped with pecan butter and fresh apples, so good!

  7. Kaitlyn M August 5, 2013 at 5:20 pm Reply

    You crack me up! I am only 23 and I am also legally blind (practically). I am -7.0 but I haven’t been to the eye doctor in almost two years and I feel as though I am just about -7.5. It totally sucks! I have also been told that I can’t get specific frames because the lenses will have to be so thick they will touch my face. Glad to know I am not the only one out there!! Anyways, thank you for all of your recipies! They are amazing.

  8. TJ August 5, 2013 at 6:59 pm Reply

    This looks so good! Especially since I’m on the 21 Day Sugar Detox and I can used a green tipped banana in it :) Just curious if you have ever used coconut milk instead of the almond? I only have coconut milk and would love to try it. Thanks!

    • triggs122@yahoo.com August 7, 2013 at 2:54 pm Reply

      I’ve never used coconut milk but it should work just fine!

      • TJ August 11, 2013 at 8:11 pm Reply

        Thank you! I am going to try it out later this week. I will let you know how it turns out.

  9. Claire August 5, 2013 at 8:49 pm Reply

    THANK YOU FOR THIS RECIPE!!!
    I have been contemplating actually trying going paleo for a while, but I am obsessed with oatmeal. I eat it every day. It was holding me back. Now I am going to try this and see if I can stand parting with oatmeal. I’d been looking for “noatmeal” recipes on instagram but I trust you as a source more than anyone else, so perfect timing.
    :D

  10. Katie August 7, 2013 at 12:01 pm Reply

    I was wondering if you used milled flaxseed for this or whole flaxseed? I’ve never bought flaxseed before and while at the store got a bit confused, so I just grabbed the whole seed one. I guess I can grind it down in the food processor if I need too…Looking forward to making this!

    • triggs122@yahoo.com August 7, 2013 at 2:52 pm Reply

      Ground!

  11. Marina August 13, 2013 at 3:44 pm Reply

    Thank you for this! Its awesome!!! Ive really missed my oatmeal in the morning. I have been eating this everyday for the past week. It’s absolutely delicious. I top mine with diced apples and walnuts.

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  13. [...] Pre-race: I fuelled up with a piece of Ezekiel bread, peanut butter and a banana. [...]

  14. Dani September 7, 2013 at 11:34 am Reply

    Thank you for this recipe! I’m with you… oatmeal is one of my favorite breakfast foods. Unfortunately every other Paleo recipe for N’Oatmeal is loaded with nuts and lots of good fats but not high enough in protein. And to be honest, my body doesn’t tolerate a bunch of nuts in one sitting. Those recipes are WAY to heavy for me in the morning. This is great! I look forward to trying it!

  15. JudyL October 1, 2013 at 9:00 pm Reply

    I found your website through Recipe Girl’s facebook post about the sweet potato brownies, which I’m certainly going to try. I’m not paleo, but I am diabetic & have been looking to paleo recipes to help clean up my eating.
    I have a question on this oatmeal – is there something I can substitute for the flax, like quinoa, chia, or something? I can’t eat flax at all, it doesn’t like me! But I love oatmeal & haven’t been able to eat it since I was dx with diabetes!
    Thanks!

  16. earthchick November 20, 2013 at 9:48 am Reply

    Eating this right now topped with blueberries and raw almonds and YUM is it delish. Thanks for the recipe!

  17. [...] give a hot Paleo breakfast a try. For the last several days, I’ve been enjoying this N’Oatmeal Recipe (Oatmeal Minus the Oats) from Taylor Made It [...]

  18. Ashley December 2, 2013 at 7:09 pm Reply

    Has anyone tried making mulitple servings of this at once and storing in the fridge for a few days worth of breakfasts? Wondering how it keeps and re-heats?

  19. Crystal January 7, 2014 at 11:03 am Reply

    This was super egg-y and I followed your directions exactly. I constantly stirred and ended up with chunks of eggs. Hard to get down.

  20. Emily March 6, 2014 at 11:10 am Reply

    Thanks for the recipe. It’s definitely a keeper! I forgot to add banana the last time I made it, but it was still delicious!

  21. Marcie April 17, 2014 at 11:03 am Reply

    @ Crystal, l in order to avoid the egg chunks, you need to add hot liquid to the eggs, not the other way around. First thing I learned in Home Ec in 1970. Put the eggs into a small heatproof bowl (like a Pyrex mixing bowl or a 2 cup Pyrex measuring cup) and slowly stir in some of the hot mixture. Doesn’t have to be a lot, just enough to get the eggs thoroughly mixed and the same temperature as the rest. Then stir the eggs back into the main mixture in the pan and finish the recipe as instructed. Use this same technique any time you need to add eggs to hot liquids in a recipe and you’ll never again have stringy egg chunks to swallow!

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